At 39 weeks pregnant, I felt the urgency to capture a few shots of me and my belly buddy. ‘He might not be in there for much longer!’ I exclaimed.
A few Braxton Hicks contractions had sent me into false hope, but also gave me the bittersweet realization that the pregnancy was almost over. Carrying and growing this babe inside me has truly been one of life’s deepest joys.
From when I saw those two pink lines appear, I went from absolutely amazed to completely in love at our first ultrasound appointment when we saw his bean-sized little body.
The beauty of our miracle merely expounded upon every milestone reached.
I rejoiced at all the firsts: hearing his heartbeat, learning his gender, and feeling him flutter —to which I often wondered, was that actually my baby, or just my lunch?
Up until feeling him kick, I must admit to the anxious spirit of a new mother… ‘How is he? Is he still okay in there?’
I would constantly question every day of growth, holding my breath as I counted down to the next doctor appointment where I would then exhale at seeing images of our baby on the black and white screen.
Although I knew these were normal fears to be having, I was ashamed of my desperate need to see proof as I let my thoughts get the best of me. Fear can be an ugly thing. I didn’t want the incredible mystery of life inside me to become any less God-glorifying, meaning, the gloomy cloud of doubt had to go.
Expressing my fears to my husband helped. But only by way of continual surrender to the Creator of all living things did I begin to feel freedom and joy in his beginning months of development.
Oh, and then when he started kicking me on a regular basis… how those jabs also served to calm my questioning mind.
Watching my belly get bigger and bigger gave me such pride, and as we got closer to the last trimester, such discomfort! Sitting in one position for too long would make my legs go numb. Sleeping became a ritual of tossing and turning and getting up to pee all night long. I almost think I’ll be able to get more sleep once he’s here! Who am I kidding…
There are definitely aspects about pregnancy I won’t miss, but among many other wonderful experiences during the past 9 months, I will indeed miss the close intimacy and constant rubbing of my belly buddy. 🙂
However, I am very much looking forward to what’s around the corner! Going into labor, holding our son to my chest, giving him a name, kissing his sweet face, changing his poopy diapers… So far, it’s all just been talk talk talk. Not for long!
Baby boy, how you’re about to dramatically change our lives for the better!